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November 2009 
Compare? Beware!
Posted on Mar 30th, 2009
by 
Kerul
Kerul
A NOTE FROM THE PROCRASTIVITY NICHEPERT Would you believe, my dear readers, that the day after I wrote about my brother's death I received a call from my cousin that my uncle had passed away?
You know how they say things come in threes? Well, that was my third, and hopefully last, death in the family for a very long time. My uncle was elderly, and I wasn't that close to him, but it was still sad.
Mainly, though my concern was for my mom, who was again out in California. I didn't want her to break her neck to get back east, host my cousin's family at her home, and have to see another family member get buried so soon after my brother. I was able to go up and do it for her, and persuade her to stay where she was. And a blessing was that I got to better know my cousin and her adult kids over the days they stayed with me.
This additional disruption to my business, study, and personal responsibilities set me back farther, and I found myself making comparisons with others who were accomplishing more. Ever do that? It can work for you but watch out! More about this below.
Also below is a link that one of my brother's friends sent with lovely tributes to my brother, for those of you that wanted to know more about who he was. Thank you for the many expressions of sympathy you sent me - I'm so grateful for you all.
Wishing you optimal procrastivity, and a glorious spring (or autumn, if you're in the southern hemisphere),
Kerul
Kerul Kassel, Author of Productive Procrastination - Make It Work For You, Not Against You and the award-winning Stop Procrastinating Now - Five Radical Procrastination Strategies To Set You Free, both available at www.Procrastivity.com
COMPARE? BEWARE!
We've all done it, and we usually end up miserable because of it. Comparing yourself to someone else usually ends up in feeling less intelligent, attractive, strong, fit, wealthy, wise, successful, or sexy than you felt before you began comparing. And that depletes your self-confidence and your can-do attitude, which also decreases productivity and increases procrastination.
Is it ever a good idea to compare yourself with someone else? If you do it in a constructive way, it can be (and no, I don't mean when you come out on top in the comparison). In comparing we usually come from a perspective that we need to be the best, or we don't count (think reality TV shows), or similarly that the way we are or the way we do things is wrong and someone else is right.
What if there was room for many right ways, many forms of success, wealthy, beauty, strength, and wisdom? There ARE! We've been brainwashed into believing otherwise, but we can retrain our perspective. Instead of having that better/worse/right/wrong either/or, observe what it is you admire, learn what it is that that person is doing that you might experiment with or adjust to make into your own version. Rather than ending up jealous (believe me, I have SO been there), you end up respecting and possibly befriending others, and finding new and interesting ways of living, working, conducting yourself.
And you discover how the differences between you and someone else even out. It's almost never happened that I've met someone who seemed very admirable, but when I got to know that person better, understood their problems and challenges, I felt like gathering up my problems and weaknesses and running like hell the other way, feeling blessed to have mine and not theirs.
Who are you comparing yourself to, and how is that helping or hindering you?
A TRIBUTE TO MY BROTHER
A number of you were curious about who my brother was, and how he touched so very many people. Here is a link, put together by colleagues, friends, and people he generously helped in his industry, with photos, tribute quotes, and more: http://tinyurl.com/clbxmg
Inspirational Quotes
"If you compare yourself to others, you may become vain and bitter; for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself." -- Max Ehrmann (Desiderata: A Poem for a Way of Life)
"Don't compare yourself with anyone else. If you do, you are insulting yourself." -- Source unknown
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